Filled with faith or just plain delusional?
“Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” (Acts 5: 38-39 NIV)
When our scouting trip to Ofunato ended, I naively/arrogantly thought that missions organizations would be tripping over one another to recruit me. After all, God had been directing me by the power of the Holy Spirit in ways I could neither imagine nor contrive: the dreams, the signs, the circumstances that could not be mere coincidence.
The first mission organization I approached told me that they’d probably pass on me because people who claim that God called them to do something tend to be stubborn and not work well with others. (Okay, I can see how this might be.) And, because my vision was simply to live among the people– I sensed that God had given me signs to go to Ofunato, but I hadn’t discerned any strategies for ministry there– the organization told me they’d prefer missionaries who could do more than just “help one or two people” and asked me to start praying about finding a different option to go.
I was crushed. Did people not understand that I never had any personal desire to go to Japan, I argued with myself, but had been led by the Holy Spirit the entire time? This was not me wanting to go to Ofunato out of curiosity– it was God telling me to go, and if He didn’t give me a specific vision on what to do there, maybe He was calling me to just show up and be there?
As I write this, I see how people might have thought I was delusional.
Perhaps it was because I did not grow up in the church that, after coming to faith and reading through the Bible, I assumed all Christians believed in the power of the Holy Spirit. After all, don’t we read about these things in the Scripture? I’d learn that those who get dreams, see signs, hear voices, and are sensitive to spirits are often considered by some Christians to be delusional, heretical, or– even worse– under the influence of demonic powers.
Jesus did warn of false prophets who will come like sheep but are inwardly ravenous wolves (Matt. 7:15). He told us that we would know them by their fruit (v. 16). The Bible warns that false prophets would perform “counterfeit signs” or “wonders that serve the lie,” depending on the translation (2 Thess. 2:9), but also gives us guidelines on testing the spirits to see what is of God and what is not (1 John 4:1-6). The Apostle Paul also tells us that Christians are like different parts of the same body, with each one given a specific spiritual gift for the greater good, and that one member cannot despise another for having a different role (1 Corinthians 12).
Granted, there have been false prophets spreading destructive heresies throughout church history. But does this mean that the church should avoid everything associated with the supernatural? Why don’t we instead sharpen our discernment so that we can tell the difference between a counterfeit sign or wonder and one that is legitimately of God?
I don’t think that the missions organizations I spoke with saw me as a false prophet– I just think that some churches have become so leery of anything supernatural, thanks in no small part to the televangelists we see hawking prayers for money and getting caught in scandals (you will know them by their fruit, right?) that they err on the side of caution, dismissing any talk of dreams, prayers, and impressions.
After my first rejection, I resolved to change my strategy: instead of talking about the dreams and signs I received, I’d cast a vision of reaching out to tsunami survivors, sharing the love of Jesus with them through acts of service, leading them to receive Christ’s love and later bring their entire families to faith in our Savior. I was in full superhero mode, casting big visions with audacious goals, backing it up with impressive numbers and statistics to show that I’d done my homework. I posted all of this on our support-raising blog and began to meet with potential supporters.
One of the people I met with was a former pastor. He was jaded, his tone laced with cynicism, for he had been in full-time ministry long enough to see past the jargon I was spouting. He immediately called me out on my made-up vision and started asking me tough questions: Why Japan? Why you? Do you even speak Japanese? Do you have any connections to the country? Do you have any experience with missions?
Through it all, I kept hearing one question.
“Who do you think you are?”
Again, a soul-crushing rejection that put me in my place. I had to admit that he was right, though– my “vision” was contrived, and I easily saw what a fool I looked like pursuing it. I sheepishly confessed that I had no vision for ministry in Japan and mentioned that only reason I was pursuing this was because I sensed a strong calling from God to go.
He asked me how I discerned God’s calling.
I told him everything: the missions trip that happened to land one week after the disaster, the dreams, the signs, the ducks crossing the street. I confessed that I never really had a heart for Japan before, but God was growing one in me by leading me towards it.
The former pastor bored into me and said, “See, that’s the story you want to tell. People will want to partner with what God is doing, not with what you think you should be doing, so stop making stuff up. Just tell people why you’re really going.”
I left that meeting feeling like a pile of crud, frankly, but the Holy Spirit convicted me of hiding what God was doing and trying to accomplish things my way, in my limited human understanding. I went home and revamped our entire website, deleting all the “made-up” visions and plans, replacing them with the story of how I sensed this calling to go.
In the meantime, my wife, kids, and I were preparing for a six-week trip to Japan. Our friend, Kyle, who had initiated that first mission trip to Japan, and his wife invited my family to come stay with them in Kyoto for a while to give us an opportunity to explore more ministry possibilities, figure out the logistics of us moving there, and give our kids a taste of life in Japan. Our departure date was November 2nd, less than two weeks after my return from the scouting trip to Ofunato– it was just enough time to get over jet lag.
The church had set up an account so that supporters could contribute funds towards our mission, and our accountant assured me that funds had been coming in. Dozens of hands had shot up in the air when, at a recent conference, I shared about my family’s sense of calling to Japan and our senior pastor asked who would commit to supporting us.
Several days before our departure for Kyoto, the church accountant sent me a fund report.
We had a little over $1,300 in the account.
I panicked. That would barely cover our family of four for one week, and we were about to leave for a six-week stay in Japan. What do we do?
I was about to write a support letter when I got a strong impression:
“Don’t ask people for money. Ask for prayer.”
I was very tempted to resist, but the impression was too strong to dismiss. I prayed and told God that I was just too scared and anxious.
“That’s why you should ask for prayer.”
It was difficult, but I obeyed. I asked a circle of friends to keep us in prayer, but didn’t mention finances at all.
In November 2011, my family left for Kyoto for a six-week trial run, armed with prayers, our suitcases, and thirteen $100 bills in my wallet.
“These were his instructions: ‘Take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in your belts.’” (Mark 6:8 NIV)
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